"Robot Holocaust" I thought as I ejected Grease 2 from the VCR..."This looks pretty shitty."

The robots have turned on their masters in 2033, resulting in a radiation spill more deadly than any nuclear war thus poisoning the air. The robots now rule under their master The Dark One The remaining citizens are known as the air slaves as they are slaves to the poison air. Oh there is brain surgery afoot in this film let me tell you..

We start our film with some underground wrestling by some dudes in loincloths. A strange looking guy in an crappy mask is walking around pick pocketing the spectators. Turns out he is a robot. The robot makes an attempt to steal from his master for some strange reason, who speaks to him telepathically. This is the only instance in this film in which he does this. The robots master, whose name is Neo, has come from the wastelands outside the city. He is one of the rare people who can breathe the poison are outside of the atmosphere created and maintained by the Dark One.

A robot that looks kind of like a squid arrives and demands a winner from the wrestling match that has been going on all the while. It turns out that it is a fight to the death and the winner will be taken to the power station to fight and be crowned the ultimate champion, there he will receive a prize (which is rumoured to be death - a plot concocted by the dark one to ensure that the air slaves do not find someone strong enough to lead them in a rebellion). A young woman and her scientist father do not wish for either of the combatants to be killed and stand up against the squid robot who in turn turns off all the air. All the slaves immediately fall to the floor except the woman and her father. The father has made a device allowing them to breathe the poison air without harm. He tells his daughter to fall to the floor and fake being like the rest of them. He is taken away.

Neo then goes to the woman and asks her to help him go to the power station to help him find a friend and he will help her find her father. They set off with the robot and two other guys that were hanging around. On their journey they run into a group of extreme feminists scantily clad in furs. they hate all men and only use men to impregnate themselves and continue their tribe, after which they destroy them. They currently have some poor sap held captive who they used for sex. They cut his tongue out because apparently Men chatter too much...A fight ensues. Neo's man wins and according to this woman's tribal rule, because she lost in battle she is their slave. They decide to take her with them along with the poor mute sex slave.

Meanwhile at the power station, a voice over tells us that the "Pleasure Machine" is a device located at the power station for use by loyal servants of the Dark One. This consists of a cage outside which two naked people are holding up a plasma ball. Apparently plasma balls look futuristic. Valeria, a disciple of the Dark One, heads into the cage with her norks out and fondles the plasma ball through the bars while the two naked people holding it dance horribly. Valeria is then reprimanded by the dark one for using the pleasure machine, as it is designed for reward only. Deeja's father is brought to her for interrogation by the squid robot and two guys in robot suits who look by two guys in robot suits. Deeja's father refuses to say anything and Valeria continues with her threats. She takes Deeja's father to "The Crystal" which is actually nothing more than a giant light globe which turns a few different colours. There must have been something I missed here, because the voice over then tells us that he is now aware that the Dark One can track the group of rebels every move. He still doesn't talk, although I'd like to take this opportunity to talk about Valeria.

Obviously hired for her looks, this woman has no acting talent whatever. I'm still trying to figure out what in the hell her accent is, besides incredibly annoying. It borders somewhere between French, Russian, Brooklyn, and a drunk woman with a speech impediment. She seems to have real difficulty with word endings. They always seem to stop halfway and lead off into a lisp. I hope she dies soon. Her boobs aren't even that great.

Back to the story. Our merry group of misfits have continued on their quest through whatever park they were filming in, and have reached "the caverns ahead." Neo tells them that they must go through the caverns because the Dark One will not be able to track their progress while they are underground. They walk into the Cavern and discover that it is a nest for Sewage worms. Sewage Worms look like giant penises sticking out from holes in the walls. They are apparently blind and track their prey by listening to them. Neo attempts to sneak through, and that doesn't stop the other people from talking at all as you would imagine. They decide that they need someone to distract them and make noise, and the robot is the perfect candidate, but in the tradition of completely casting aside a plan that might actually work, Neo decides they need to hack their way through. The warrior lesbo woman is thrilled with that idea because I bet she loves chopping penis. They make their way through the nest with one guy getting a bite on the neck, and why the deaf sewage worms decided to attack the mute guy, I'll never know. All of a sudden they are outside again (so much for the mighty "caverns") and being attacked by mutants (folks in really bad makeup). A fight ensues and the robot activates his force field and they run away.

Back at the power station, Valeria slurred some more stuff at Deeja's father which I couldn't understand. I think she sent the squid guy to kill Deeja.

The rebels reach the entrance to the power station, and discover that the man Neo was looking for has been crucified outside the entrance along with the other winners of the Wrestling bouts. Neo takes a ring from the skeletons finger (LOL) and the continue in to the Power Station conveniently marked with a brightly painted emergency exit sign and stair ramp, and head into the tunnels below. Klyton informs them that there are traps everywhere and they must be careful. Then one of the guys falls in a hole. The group then encounter "The Beast of the Web" which entails Deeja being trapped inside some silly string while a claw menaces her from one side. All the other guys sort of stab at it through the web. Then she gets free. What a pointless exercise. They find a place to rest and warrior lesbo gets annoyed that they are following a mans orders to sleep and says 'If they all wake up dead in the morning they know who is to blame." Righty O brain surgeon. One of the guys heads off during the night for unknown reasons and gets eaten by another strangely phallic monster. The rest of the group leave him after Neo stabs him about ten times (even though he is already dead) and continue ahead.

The Dark One is becoming increasingly annoyed with Valeria, as we all are as well, and threatens to kill her if the rebels make it any further. She is confident they will not get past the gate. Then the robot short circuits himself and they get past the gate. She is then confident that they will not get past the iron door. Then the robot pulls some explosives from inside his head and they blow up the iron door. Then she is confident they will not pass the guard bots. Then they kill the guard bots. She bargains with the Dark One and retrieves Deeja to save her life. The Dark One then proceeds to blow her face off because his use for her has ceased. Sadly this does not shut her up as it is revealed she is also a robot. Now not only does her voice raise an octave in pitch, but she also has an echo now as well. Hooray. Valeria gets the shits at losing her face and starts the self destruct mechanism on the Power Station. The Squid Robot turns it off, and Valeria then decides that she is the dark Ones friend again and all is well. She starts pumpin the poison air back out to the slaves and they all pass out. Meanwhile, Neo and friends are battling their way to the Dark One, who turns out to be nothing more than a giant computer, who is starving for energy since a couple of air slaves hatched a plot to carry sand and look like they are working instead of carrying fuel. Kai the mute sex slave is killed, and for some reason the robot is really devastated, and the warrior leso sacrifices her life to save Neo. Wow so she wasn't a militant rug muncher after all.

Deeja is taken to her father who is nothing more than a head sitting on top of green egg. He pleads with Deeja to kill him, and she refuses to do it. Neo kills the Squid Robot, Klyton kills Valeria, and gives his weapon to Neo. Neo then kills Deeja's father which in turn kills the dark One. Everyone is free or dead at this point. Deeja is pissed at Neo for killing her father ( Bitch! He's a god damn head on an egg are you mental?) and he heads off alone. The robot restores the clean air to the slaves and they all rejoice because they were free. The voice over craps on about it being time to rebuild and what not. This pile of crud is finally over.

After the feature presentation I was treated to a Genesis film clip courtesy of the nice people at Virgin Video. I need a stiff drink.