I *think* this movie is stupid.
You see, I'm not really sure yet. I don't think I have had enough time
yet to reflect and
decide. What I do know is that I purchased Pretty Smart from one of
those wacky Hong Kong
region 0 DVD dealers (because you can't get it anywhere else) under the
impression that I
was going to get a zany, fun 80's comedy about girls running riot,
pulling pranks and
gettin sexy at a boarding school. That's not what I got. It tried, but
it failed.
The potential was there, the idea that the writer must have originally
had for the story
before they hired the fourteen year old to take over on the script was
great, and even the
characters were likable or fun to hate. But something was missing and
I'm still not quite
sure what that was. Ziggs, our main protagonist is a hot sexy punk
chicky babe with a bad
attitude. Her sister Jennifer is the complete opposite. Perfect blonde
Miss Priss. It's
easy to see that the two aren't gonna get along. Jennifer is going off
to boarding school
in Greece, and after Ziggs foils a bank robbery somehow by stripping
down to her
underwear, (as seen in the opening credits) her parents decide that it
is time to send
this troubled teen overseas with her sister to get some good old
boarding school style
discipline. Ziggs does not want to go, and Jennifer doesn't want her
there either. I wish I could get a trip to Greece if I stripped off in
public.
 Arriving at the school, here's where we start to
realise this movie sucks. As would be
expected in all 80's social situations, there are two types of person
at Ogilvy Academy.
The Preens, the rich, pretty and popular girls, and the Subs - which is
pretty much anyone else who doesn't fall into the category of rich,
pretty and popular. Upon arriving
at the school, Ziggs immediately gets on the wrong side of Mr Crawley,
the schools smarmy
administrator. He's the kinda guy that screws the students you know?
Ziggs ends up rooming
with Zero, a very young Patricia Arquette - a Sub, while her sister
rooms with the
large fake breasted Samantha, a Preen of course. We see her boobs a
lot. More than any
other boobs.
Now, I gotta comment on this, because it's driving me nuts. You'd think
that being the
underdogs, Ziggs, Zero and their Sub friends would bond and work
together againts the
Dean and his snobby Preens. But confusingly, they don't. Even towards
the end of the
movie, Ziggs' friends are willing to ditch her and snob her completely
when she gets into
any form of trouble. Even though they were hugging and laughing and
partying together only
the scene before. This makes no sense to me. It probably would have
made a better movie if
the girls had stuck together and all got into the same troubles
together, rather than it
just being Ziggs alone all the time. A vague attempt at this was made
towards the end of
the movie, but it was a little too little a little too late. I know
this brings an element
of realism to the flick, cause we all know teenage girls will stab each
other in the back at any given moment, but who wants real from an 80's
movie? We want Girls Just Want To
Have Fun! I've always actually wondered why Helen Hunt's "cool"
character had no other
friends in that movie. But anyway.
 Ziggs gets into trouble a lot, as we would expect from
someone who dresses rebelliously. Mr Crawley reprimands her for turning
up pretending to be pregnant at an important assembly by burning her
clothes. This of course prompts Ziggs to dress
normally and ask for forgiveness to try and gain Mr Crawley's trust. We
can all see that it's
a lie, but the problem is she doesn't let her friends in on the scam,
so they all think
she has abandoned them. Then when they discover the truth after Ziggs
turns the Tennis
Tournament party into a Ratt Concert, she has a lame excuse that I
can't even really
remember. Oh yes, the Tennis Tournament!
Once a year, the boys from Burnside Academy come over to have a tennis
tournament with the
girls and spend the night on Campus. This is where things get ugly. It
turns out that Mr Crawley is aware of his Preens slutty behavior (ohh
the boobs!) with the boys and has
cameras installed in their rooms and showers for a little sneaky peeky.
He sells the tapes
to weird foreign men. After he crashes Ziggs surprise birthday party
where amazingly the
Preens and the Subs are getting along, AND steals her boombox the girls
find out not
only about the recorded amateur porn ring Mr Crawley has going, but
that he is using them to transport drugs when they go on shopping
trips. He had power over the girls when he was
able to use their rivalry with one another to distract them, but his
secret is out now and
the Preens and Subs must work together to get him out of the academy.
Its just like the
cool teacher that he fired tried to tell us about an hour ago. I never
would have guessed.
Somewhere in amongst all this kerfuffle, we learn that The Academy is
in financial
trouble, but luckily it is owned by a crazy guy who likes goats and
only requires four of
them for yearly rent. Plus, Ziggs meets a boy. Awww. Their interaction
consists of a meeting in the gardens, her asking for his help, and then
the two of them acting like they
were a couple the whole movie. Lets hear it for plot holes!
I'd also like to add that this movie has one of the most misleading
theatrical posters I
have ever seen.
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Year: 1987
