I
can't remember how long ago I bought this DVD, but I know it was a
while. It was probably cheap, and probably from some big sale or a
market stall. Recently, I watched The Stand, and fell head over heels
in love with Rob Lowe (how could anyone NOT love Nick Andros?). Then I
remembered that I had bought this movie and not watched it. So on it
went for a perve... ahem... I mean on it went for an engrossing movie
watching experience. Okay, so I'm lying through my teeth. This movie
was neither engrossing nor an experience, well at least not a notable
one. But you know what? Rob Lowe was damn fine in the 80's. I don't
think even a viewing of Wayne's World can thwart the crush this time.
 *Note:
Speaking of Wayne's World, as you would all be well aware, in that film
Rob
Lowe plays the obnoxious, smarmy Benjamin. The anti-Wayne. What you may
not realise is the the object of Rob Lowe's character Richard Dice's
affections in Illegally Yours, Molly, is none other than Colleen Camp.
Colleen played Noah Vanderhoff's somewhat ditzy wife in Wayne's World.
How bout that?
Illegally Yours is a little
confusing to begin with.
Our main
character, Richard Dice (Lowe) narrates the goings on from the very
beginning surrounding the events leading to a young woman named Molly
being put on trial for attempted murder. Unfortunately for Molly, she
is a victim of circumstance. She winds up in the wrong place at the
wrong time - namely her ex boyfriend's Donald's house only minutes
after his new girlfriend, Ruth, has committed a murder. Donald, Ruth
and the murder victim all worked for an eccentric shipping magnate by
the name of Hal Keeler, whose young daughter Suzanne also witnessed the
murder
while peeking through a window with her strange friend Sharon. The
murder victim was no innocent party though, he had been blackmailing
everyone at the scene (including Keeler's daughter) for undisclosed
reasons and as a result was being tailed by two dodgy hitmen who were
also there to kill him. The murder victim had taped the conversation
leading up to his death, and while it had been discovered by the Ruth
and Donald, Ruth had dumped it with a pile of tapes belonging to Molly
while they dispose of the body. Molly arrives and sweeps through the
house wanting to collect the last of her things, taking the
incriminating cassette with her. Ruth panics and tries to get the tape
back, but Molly insists that all the tapes are hers and storms out the
door. Knowing what she has, Ruth tries to hit Molly with her car. Molly
pulls a gun on Ruth in self defense and fires, but winds up wounding a
passing mailman.
 Phew.
Are you still with me? That's the story of how Molly Gilbert
wound up on trial for attempted murder. The real crime however, remains
a secret. All parties that were either involved with or who witnessed
the real murder take place are not saying anything because they all
have something to hide. This doesn't put Molly in a very good position.
But even with all this going on, we have yet to meet our main character
Richard, nor do we know what his connection is to Molly at all.
 Richard,
we discover, is a somewhat nerdy, neurotic kinda guy who
thought his life was on the right track - that is until he comes home
one day to find his live in girlfriend in bed with another man. (I'm
sorry, but SAY WHAT?). As the life he knew crumbles around him, Richard
packs up and heads back home to the town he grew up in where his mother
still lives with his younger brother. Richard decides that now is the
time to start a new life, but his plans are thwarted when he discovers
that he has dury duty and there is no way out of it. But when Richard
arrives in court he is stunned to discover that the woman on trial for
attempted murder is none other than his first love and the woman of his
dreams - Molly Gilbert. Richard met Molly in the first grade (she was
in the sixth) and he never forgot the impact she had on his life.
Convinced that fate has brought them back together for a reason,
Richard lies when asked if he knew the defendant at all - of course she
doesn't recognise him at all. Convinced that she is innocent, Richard
begins following her in an attempt to find out what really happened and
prove her innocence.
Proving her innocent for attempted murder ends up being the least of
Richard's problems though as it begins to become clear that Molly's
life is in danger and it has something to do with the cassette tape
that she has in her purse. Richard will have to unravel the
mystery of the real murder and find out what everyone is hiding if he
has any chance at all of keeping Molly out of prison. But even scarier
than that - he has to work up the courage to talk to her!
 I'd
say we end up going through three quarters of the movie
before Richard even speaks to Molly - let alone tells her how he knows
her. Richard ends up getting himself in loads of trouble in the
process, from breaking into the Judge's house and Keeler's fort to
taking his younger brother hostage to escape the music store with
Molly's tape. Fortunately for Richard, Hal Keeler's daughter Suzanne
seems to want to help him, but she is scared and hiding something too.
Time is running out - Richard needs to find the body... and fast!
Seriously, Richard Dice could give Lane Meyer a run for his money in
the "everything that can go wrong will go wrong" stakes and he's even
got the weird family to match. Problem after problem seem to arise for
poor Richard but he pushes on, never giving up even though he has
barely ever spoken to this woman. If he wasn't so good looking, I would
say it was creepy.
Rob Lowe opted to wear his glasses for this role (I believe he is near
sighted in real life), and while he appears bespectacled on the VHS
cover, his glasses has been photoshopped out for the DVD release. How
odd and completely superficial. Did they think that would sell more
copies?
Also interesting to note, there are two Elm Street kids in this movie.
Kim Myers (Suzanne Keeler) was Lisa in Nightmare on Elm Street 2 and
Ira Heiden (Andrew Dice) was Will in Nightmare on Elm Street III.
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Year: 1988
